Catching Up
Mood:  chillin'
It's been almost a month since I've written. Things have dramatically changed for the better. I feel God so much in my life. I just feel like I want to do something for Him. But what?

On the downside I don't get to talk to Mr. Lytton as much as I used to. I miss talking to him cause he seems like the only one who can really understand what I'm going through. I'm thinking about becoming friends with Mrs. Starks, another Christian teacher. Mr. Lytton is too popular and well liked for me to talk to alone. I feel like Kristin is attracted to him a lot more than she lets on...It's just a feeling.

I don't feel attracted to him in a romantic way. I guess it's because he's easier to identify with on a friend level. He's the kind of guy you wouldn't want to get romantic feelings for because you value a platonic friendship more. Like me and Lance.
Me and Lance have a strange friendship. We're close and I love him like a brother. After school we walk around holding hands and people are always wondering if we go out or not. It's hilarious to me. Lance and I were never romantically involved. We valued friendship too much to take it further. Although I do feel back because before he revealed he was gay, he was close to me and people thought we went out. A friend of his asked me if I liked Lance and wanted to go with him. I said no because I value his friendship way to much to go any further.

I'm going to start writing a poetry book of my emotions and stuff.I need a hobby. Rahmcel wrote me a note talking about people though I was "too religious" and how he tried to be well rounded and not talk about Jesus all the time. But I'm not in a religion.

Christianity is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. When you're in a relationship you talk about that person, read notes they've written you (The Bible) and tell others about that person. What's wrong about that?

On Valentine's Day Pedro bought me a card and made me a copy of the new Israel and New Breed CD. I like Pedro, but I think he is a little too crazy about me. I feel something for another guy. I can't have them both.

Matt (real name Matthias, not Matthew) is the other guy I like. The only problem is he's close to 10 years older than me. He's a Christian and I can talk to him about Jesus, God, Bible, whatever. It's neat because he knows so much. He's so cute! He wants to be a Youth Pastor. Right now he just hangs around the church and helps out when needed. He likes sports, mainly baseball. He was irritated when he didn't make the college team. I told him not to worry. He said maybe it was a sign he needed to help out more in the Body (of Christ). I told him maybe. When I'm alone with him I tend to get really shy. I feel like he sees right through me. Like he knows me on the most intimate levels. He just "gets" me.

I don't know how he feels about me. He looks at me with adoration, like you would a little sister. But he does tend to get physically close to me at times. His girlfriend, Denise surprisingly looks a little like me (according to his Mom and brother). I don't think so.

So you see I'm crazy about Matt and I just "like" Pedro. I think Rahmeel is good-looking and Marcus is just unnecessary temptation. Not even really temptation. Just irritation.

Speaking of Matt, Mr. Lytton is talking about a Bible class for next year. I hope and pray we get it. Things are going by fast. The writing test is Tuesday. I'm ready to get this over with.
God Bless,
LaKenya

Valentine's Dayt
Mood:  not sure
Today was Valentine's Day. Pedro bought me a card and made me a copy of a CD by one of my favorite Chrisitian Artist.

Pedro is my dream guy. Cute, funny, a Christian. But something's missing. Maybe it's because...I don't know. I have feelings for another guy, but I'll never get anywhere with him. He's older than me and has already gone off to college. I try to leave it alone, but it doesn't work. I really like Pedro and wish we could be together but know we can't really. I feel so mixed up. I want him, but can't have him. What should I do?

The guy I like is older. We talk about the Bible, God, etc. It's really nice. I wish more guys were like him. Pedro is too great, but I just feel...disconnected toward him. What should I do?

Maybe I'll talk to Mr. Lytton. Or maybe I won't. He must think I have a lot of problems. Not really. But I do obsess over stupid stuff.

Namonique and I are still not talking. I'll post more about this on my Home page (http://electlady704.tripod.com--Click on Diary). Right now I'm just torn.

Praise the Lord, for He is good. His mercy is everlasting.
Love,
Kenya

Back to School
Mood:  irritated
Tomorrow school starts back. I can't wait. I feel so bored at home. I'm kind of concerned about English 10 because I didn't finish reading my books. I know what they're both about though (thanks to free essays.com). I hope it's enough for me to do my assignment.
Im excited to see my friends and make new friends. I also hope I'll be able to stay strong and tell more people about Christ.
I ordered 100 WWJD bracelets today. When they get here I plan to pass them out around school. I may order more tracts. I'm not sure. I just feel like anyway the Gospel gets around is good.
I hope and pray that God will give me favor with my new teachers. I'm kind of lost because I have no idea what classes I'll have. I already know I don't want one of my classes (SAT Prep). I'm not ready to take the SAT yet, and it would be a waste of time for me to take SAT Prep. I need to at least take Algebra II since that's the type of math that will be on the new SAT.
I'm about to get my hair done. Christmas was good this year. I got some new clothes (Praise the Lord) and some new shoes. I no longer have to walk home because Dad bought me a car! (Yes!). But it's not like I can drive it yet (No!). Well, it's 1/3 mine. I have joint ownership with Daddy and my older brother John.
So I guess I'll pick up my room and get ready for tomorrow.
In Christ,
LaKenya

New Year's Resolutions
Mood:  energetic
Praise the Lord that we made it to see another year! I feel so blessed to still be alive and in my right mind. Thinking back to last year it seems like it went by so fast. Time moves very fast (to me anyway).

As I examine myself and think about where I was last year, and where I am this year, I just have to saw "Praise be to God", because He has dramatically came in and changed me for the better. I'm nowhere near perfection and will never claim to be. In the words of Joyce Meyer, "I'm not where I need to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be."

But authenticity has been a big deal with me. When I say I'm a Christian, I feel like I should also act like a Christian. Christ is in me and I should display some Christ-like traits. So that's my big New Year's Resolution: To focus on Christ and becoming more Christ-like in every way. Help me Holy Ghost!

Another News Years Resolution of mine is to be nicer to my family. It's a shame that I can get along with complete strangers, yet have a hard time getting along with my family. All 2004 I nagged my family and got on their nerves. But after a year I'm sad to report that didn't change them. Instead of trying to change them, I'm made up my mind that I'm going to pray for them and ask God to change my reaction to them. I can nag and fuss at them all I want to. But if I want to see a change, I'll have to all ow God to come into me and change me so I can accept my family the way they are; instead of wasting my time and energy to change them (which I can't. Only God can).

As far as school, I've decided to be myself more. I have held back my thoughts and worst, my Passion for Christ. I've even allowed people close to me to contaminate my spirit with mindless crap. No more. Now, God, it's your will, not mine. If I want my life to be 100% You and 0% anything else, I'm going to do it no matter what anyone says or thinks. Nothing else matters except you and that's all I care about. From now on I don't care what the world thinks. I only care what God says.

In Christ,
LaKenya